SEX AND CONSENT
WHAT IS CONSENT?
Consent in relationships is a BIG DEAL, and it’s really important you have a good understanding of it. Having sex with someone without their consent is rape. Pretty simple right?
Here’s a few important things to bear in mind:
Just ask if they’re OK or if they want to do this! Be direct and spell it out. Sometimes people think it will “break the mood”, but it really, really doesn’t. All it does is show you actually care about the person you’re with.
Just because someone gives their consent once, doesn’t mean they automatically consent to all future occasions.
If you have any doubts at all, just ask again.
Did we say ask? You should ask. It’s important.
This “tea” video covers everything really well too. And it has tea in it, so gets even more points…
THE TEA VIDEO
This is a great explanation of consent – well worth a watch!
AGE OF CONSENT
The Short Version of this guide: Wait till you’re 16 to have sex and don’t take or share nude photos of yourself till you’re 18!
After something a bit more useful? Read on!
What’s important to remember is that the law is there to protect people who may be getting abused in some way – it’s not designed to punish people engaging in consensual activity. BUT what the law considers consensual activity very much depends on the ages of those involved as well as whether consent was given.
There really is no rush to have sex, even if it feels like it sometimes. You have your whole life to enjoy it, it’s just not worth the trouble to have sex before you’re ready!
We’ll cover a bit more here, but if you want to read more about it, we really recommend checking out The Brook’s website. They’re a Manchester based sexual health service for young people and you can find them at www.thebrook.org.uk
None of this is intended to scare you! If you end up worried about anything here please talk to someone, either a parent, carafe, friend or someone at The Brook or a similar service. The sooner you talk to someone about this kind of stuff, the easier it usually becomes to deal with 🙂
UNDER 13? CLICK HERE
Young people under 13 aren’t legally able to give consent. That means, regardless of what conversations may have taken place (even if someone under 13 explicitly says they give consent), it is never ok for someone under 13 to have sex and the law takes it very seriously.
UNDER 16? CLICK HERE
If you’re under 16, then you could find yourself in difficult situations if you’re having sex and you or your partner could in some legal hot water.
If you’re with someone over 16 they can get into a lot of legal trouble for having sex with you and its possible decisions about your relationship can get taken out of your hands. They might get prosecuted, even if, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve given consent. It really is best not to run the risk.
If you’re both under 16 then you’re putting yourself in a risky position. Our advice, as always, would be to simply wait until you’re 16. Now, in England and Wales, according to the Home Office’s Sexual Offences act, there’s no intention to prosecute people 13-15 of a similar age engaging in consensual sex. BUT it’s still considered an offence and decisions about your relationship can still get taken out of your hands and a parent or carer can prosecute you if they feel it wasn’t consensual (in spite of what either of you say about it).
Things are a little different in Scotland and Northern Ireland for under 16’s and we’d recommend reading FPA’s site for more info.
As long as you’re over 13, you can speak with your GP and any sexual health centre IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE. They can offer advice, support and treatment and the information is entirely confidential and they are not legally able to inform your parents (although they will very likely encourage you to speak to them yourself). The only time they will break this confidence is if you are at risk of harm or exploitation.
UNDER 18? CLICK HERE
Woo over 16, all good right? Well….. not completely…
Being over 16 but under 18 can be difficult (for many reasons!) but not least because you’re considered an adult in some areas, and a child in others.
You can have sex when you’re 16 BUT, and this is really important, nude photos or images or videos of yourself of a sexual nature are still illegal and considered child pornography. Even if you’re sending them a partner the same age as you. People get caught out with this and end up with criminal records, simply for sending a spicy pic to their partner. Please don’t be one of them! Once a photo’s been sent there’s a chance it can end up somewhere you didn’t plan for it to go.
Also, whilst the age of consent in general is 16, if one of people in the relationship is in a position of authority over the other (like a teacher or social worker for example) then the age of consent is considered to be 18.
WORRIED ABOUT A PHOTO?
If you’re under 18 nude photos or images or videos of yourself of a sexual nature are illegal and seen as child pornography. Even if you’re sending them a friend or a partner the same age as you. Bear in mind the law might see some as “sexual” that you might consider just a bit of fun.
If you’ve sent something like this, or been sent something then DON’T PANIC! It’s not the end of world.
The first thing to do is talk to someone. The sooner the right people get involved, the easier it is to get rid of that picture and make sure you’re OK. There are people who are trained in this stuff and importantly, they’re on your side when things like this happen.
If we ignore something like this, there’s a chance it might get out of hand and spread more than expected. Get stuff sorted as soon as you can! No one’s going to think less of you, and you’ll saving yourself a lot of stress.